“Between the opposites lies the path”
One of the activities I truly enjoy in December is sifting through the year’s photos. I gather a few choice ones that seem to tell the story of the past 12 months, find a collage template and send it off to one of the many services. Ten days later I have a card for family and friends. I think really, I do it for myself, to keep them on the kitchen bulletin board where I can glimpse at the years of visual journals now and again. I don’t do much long note writing on them anymore, opting instead for a quick encapsulating sentiment of the past 365. This year, the wry part of me wanted to say, some of it really stunk, some of it was truly amazing, but the template had character limits. I wrote, “it was a pretty good year.”
That brief sentiment was packed with all the undertones and ambiguities of 2025. Somedays couldn’t be done fast enough and others I wished would linger into the next century. On the one hand the school is so strong and each day I can’t wait to get up and get to classes and share time and learning with eager, curious, kind people. My garden was the best it has been in many years, even in these darker soggy days, everyday fills my eyes with color and beauty. My health is quite good and my husband’s is returning. Our days have become more relaxed with cooking and walks through the arboretum taking the place of emergency room visits and hospital stays.
On the other hand, my days are also filled with a quiet sadness. Just as life steadies somewhat, unexpectedly, people I have known for years are quite ill and while some are recovering from scary places, some are not. The Gate waits for us all and this year I had to watch more friends, family and students walk through it. Though taking a far back seat to friends & family, I work as hard as I ever have to titrate my emotions within the current socio-political environment, balancing rage and grief so I can show up present and pleasant for my day. All in all 2025 has been another year of having no idea what was coming next.
A therapist I once saw told me this: mental health is measured by our capacity to tolerate ambiguity. At the time I was 25 and I don’t think I cared about any advice one way or another. I was self-assured, holding the world by the tail, and on a well-oiled zipline into my future. Yet I’m glad I tucked those words into my marrow. Decades later I understand they influenced me more than I realized. The older I become the more I see life requires the resilience of traveling a middle way. I’m fortunate I landed in the art and career I have, within a Wisdom Tradition that thrives on uncertainty.
One of the crazy making elements of learning Tai Chi & Qigong is that there seems to be no one clear answer to any question. We students ask, “Teacher! How do I do x?” Our teachers say, “Well, it could be this way, or it could be that way. Or this way!” Eyes roll. Sighs happen. We carry on or we get frustrated and move on. But the truth is, there is no one way for anything and trouble happens when we fixate and believe there is. Big trouble happens when we believe our way is the only way. Of course there are principles. Light and dark, seasonal rotations, gravity. We adhere to these principles without question because there is no separation between them and us. Indeed, part of learning Tai Chi & Qigong is to become more closely aligned with these unchanging truths. But a bigger truth is that amid the unchanging, everything changes. It’s crazy making!
Luckily training has many real-life benefits to steady the crazy. Muscles, tendons and bones line up so our structure becomes truer and more capable of being supported by gravity. Better alignment helps the natural functions of our internal organs, blood and qi to flow better and this invites a more pliant body. Mentally we become able to focus on our center and keep it there while we move around. Emotions benefit. We become more resilient encountering experiences and thoughts that may disrupt us. Still, hiding in plain sight is the fact that everything we do serves to support the capacity to change.
Even if we have no idea what is coming next we know how to find our feet, breathe in and breathe out. We can relax. In doing so, within the whirlwinds of change we find our still point, our center. “It could be this way or another way” makes us less crazy.
2025 was a pretty good year. The vulnerability we all feel riding the tides of our own personal ambiguities and unknowns along with those of the larger social tides don’t have to stiffen us into believing one thing but not another. Ironically ambiguity can serve to make us more flexible. In these closing weeks of this school year I have found myself saying to all the classes, “I hope you practice for the rest of your life.” It’s true, I do. Perhaps this is my way of paying forward the advice my therapist said to me over 40 years ago. It’s working out pretty well.
Happy New Year everyone!
“Never forget the 1000 Year View”