“Progress will come through dedication and courage. Adversity can lead a person of exceptional character to good fortune and freedom from error. The spoken word, however, is not effective. ”
I usually find myself in a bit of a pickle when it’s year-end blog time. What to say about any year past? What words to speak when each reader’s experience has been something entirely different than mine? What perspective or wisdom or inspiration might be offered? After a bit of wrestling with my thoughts, I’ve always found a way to press my fingers down on the keys and let the words click onto the page. However of late it’s been hard to find that writer’s tap dance. I’ve been trying to come up with something for a several weeks now to no avail. I’ve even tried it old school with pen & paper. Nothing. Finally, I succumbed to the reality I just haven’t had much to say.
I think I’m simply digesting. Digesting the political and global situation, of course, and more essentially digesting my personal witness of my many friends navigating life altering and life ending experiences. I’m digesting my own aging process too, and where my own changes are landing relative to my life-long devotion to my work and practice. Perhaps I’m not even sure what is going through my own gut at this time, what will be digested, eliminated and distributed to feed my life going forward.
Recently I found myself surprisingly very angry at having had to live through the Pandemic. I thought this was interesting because I never really felt this before. In fact, I lived those years fervently with vitality and grace. I know for sure I did my part to create the conditions where others could too. I really showed up. And yet, now, years later when we are supposed to have “moved on” into living our life “normally,” I realize I’m not sure what that even means. Over the past almost 5 years, I’m older, my body has changed, the world has changed, the goals and visions I had pre-pandemic are not landing on the same “before times” topography. Where did that time go? What just happened?
I’ve moved on from the cocoon of those times, but in doing so I see the road signs and maps that used help me to navigate my life are now in a new unintelligible language. I think they sometimes even point me towards an altogether shattered landscape created by other forces than a virus. It’s unlike anything I’ve encountered. I look around for footing. It is hard to know where to step, what to do. It’s hard to know what to say. I’m mad about all of it!
As always, I am eternally grateful to have a mature practice to lean on to steady my unsure footing and temper my strong emotions. My practice has accompanied me through many broken times in my life and the world around me. Each time I can always rely on my training. It’s not fancy forms I default to, it’s the fundamentals. I feel my feet. I feel my breath. I simply feel. In fact, it is the straightforward act of Standing meditation that is my go-to. Lately, Standing is as nourishing as it ever has been.
Slowing everything down to a place of stillness, a place requiring nothing of me other than to stand and breathe is such a relief. Those minutes of simplicity contain a silent grace allowing wordless wisdom to flow through. There is nothing to know, nothing to chase, nothing to figure out. Just the earth, the sky and me.
No matter how crappy or fearful or full of despair I feel going into a Standing, I always, without exception, feel better after. I tease my students that it feels so good we should just stay here for the whole 75 minutes of a class. (I’m only 1/2 joking!). After Standing, I’m happy no matter what, and can smoothly proceed to be a teacher, be a student and be with others in a deeply transformational way. A way that puts the woes and confusions of the world on the outside and allows the deeper flows of life to move through. There is no perfect, no have to’s, just profound layers of connection. It’s such a relief.
As we allow ourselves to digest all that is right now, let us also continue training in the fundamentals. Let us continue, or find anew, our practice. Let us focus on our health, physical and mental; our kindness, to self and others; and let us discover all the myriad ways we each have of bringing beauty to an ugly time.
I look forward to practicing with you in 2025!
Kim