“Once upon a time, I dreamt I was a butterfly, fluttering hither and thither, to all intents and purposes a butterfly. I was conscious only of my happiness as a butterfly, unaware that I was myself. Soon I awaked, and there I was, veritably myself again. Now I do not know whether I was a person dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly, dreaming I am a person
”
In the middle of Luohan class last Wednesday I remembered a dream I had the night before. I was an older woman – in my late 80’s, early 90’s. I was clearly me, standing somewhere. I didn’t recognize the space per se; I just knew I was standing in it. As I stood, I was reflecting on my life. Even as I write about it now, I clearly remember the feeling of looking back on the span of my existence and seeing it all so clearly. I was not emotional about it, because I knew it all. I was just feeling interested and rather pragmatic. My feeling was something like, “hum…oh, yes, this all did happen.” As I was contemplating my life a voice came from wherever those voices come from and said simply, “What you have done did make a difference.” “Your practices, how you dedicated your life to them did make a difference.”
Then, in that place between dreaming and waking I remembered myself as a young woman. I remembered the troubled person who, through a series of missteps and ignorance, almost lost her life at only 19. I remembered the intentional choice I made then to change my life and that is when I began my journey in the martial arts. I woke up. The remnants of the dream faded as I went through my morning routine. By the time I logged onto 9:00 am Luohan, I didn’t remember anything about it. As I was leading the class in our practice the dream vividly reappeared. At the end of class I shared the dream with the students.
Whereas the dream was a surprise, the message was not. I’ve never had any doubt about the strong impact and value in my life and in the lives of everyone who learns and practices. Because of them, I’m a different person than any number of options I might have become, because of them, I have witnessed the lives of countless people become better, because of them I have experienced my teachers over decades and have seen their health & spiritual development continue to express high levels of vitality well into their elder years. Besides, if there was even a lingering doubt hidden away in some dusty mental cavern, this year erased it!
Frankly, once I started, it never occurred to me that I would ever stop my training. I simply loved it more than anything else I could imagine doing. However, it also never occurred to me to make teaching these arts and practices my career. I was selling Real Estate! But, before I knew it teaching grabbed me by my scruff and gave me no choice about my future. After many years of mentorship, training and encouragement I decided to make it official on May 25th, 1995 by incorporating the name my Tai Chi class gave our school. Each year, on this day, I pause to think about and feel immense gratitude for my life, all the people I have encountered, all the people who helped me and believed in me and my dedication to an unusual path for a Nebraska girl.
This year along with feeling all I am feeling, I am also feeling, as I suspect many are, a bit burned out from the efforts made this past year. For me, because I’m 64 soon, edging ever closer to Medicare, I know it’s important to pay attention to that, to reflect, evaluate and modify as needed. I’m not really the type to ask myself if what I do has any value because it’s obvious that it does. At the same time, I’m really listening to this dream and feeling its message deeply. In what ways may I, like many who have come before me, continue to live my life, manifest my work, share what has been gifted to me? In what ways may I do so, so that when I am older than I am now, I may look back at it all with bright eye vitality and confidently say, “it really did have value.”
Someday after all of us are long gone, after Covid and all that surrounded this year socially and politically are left for the history books to analyze, judgements of value will be made. Hopefully they who judge will have the wisdom to tell the story well. Hopefully all the suffering experienced will have mattered. Hopefully it will at the very least, have pushed the wheel of human consciousness forward in ways we have not been able to manage thus far. And perhaps then, we will all encounter as I encountered last week, a voice that clearly says, “what you did here really did matter.”
Happy Birthday to Embrace The Moon Tai Chi and Qigong. Year 26. Thank you for being a part of the journey.
Respect, Salute, 10,000 Thank you’s.
Kimberly Ivy
Founder
Here is my telling of the dream to the Luohan class
Here is Embrace The Moon’s 25 year history, written last year during May in lieu of the big party.